It's been a long time coming

I got on to Blogger for the first time in a long time today. It says that the last blog post was written in June of 2009, wow, it really has been a long time since I was on here. I've really dropped the ball on this one. Yikes! Time to get focused on this blog if I really want to keep it, and I do, I truly do.

So much has happened to me since June. I got engaged in August, I've been planing my wedding which not so surprisingly takes up a good chunk of time. I have a new job, I'm still a nanny, but I am just working for a different family. I am now working with the youth ministry Red at my church. I am growing in my faith and my walk with God, my relationship with Jesus is becoming deeper. So much change!

Anyways, the New Year always brings about new resolutions, new areas to work on in your life, new ways to improve yourself. In the past my resolutions have been pretty meaningless. Last year's resolution was to stop making weird reactions whenever someone touched my nose. Pretty easy change to make. The year before it was to wear my hair down more, totally superficial and so easy to follow through on. Both years pretty much reflect where I was at in life, superficial, uncaring, self focused, to afraid to make a big change, to afraid to commit to much of anything. This year I want to be different. This year I want more. This year, because of my faith, I am called to be more, to do more. First change I have to make is me though. Before I can begin to hope to help others I must first change myself.

Whenever I look at myself in the mirror I always find myself thinking, "I would be so pretty if only... 1) I lost 10 pounds, 2) my nose pointed just a little more to the left, sheesh it looks so weird, 3) my teeth were whiter, straighter, more like..., 4) if my skin was a little darker, 5) if my skin were lighter, 5) if my hair were a different color, cut, texture, 6) if I didn't wear glasses, if my vision was perfect...." the list goes on and on.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I tear myself down? Why do I compare myself, my body to everyone else? Why can't I love my body just the way it is? This why this year my resolution is to learn to like my body for the way it is, not the way it would be "if only... (Fill in the blank)..." and in order to make myself transparent, accountable and in order t make a true change I am going to blog about it. I know that I am not the only one who has these struggles and these thoughts. I just hope that others who read this will be encouraged and encouraging. I am excited to begin this change!