Step 1: Desroy the Lies

Why is it that we trust our friends with everything excepts their opinion? Let me explain, we trust our friends to catch us when we fall, to keep our secrets, and even to care for our belongings. We confide in them with the understanding that they won't, if they are a true friend, go telling everyone they meet about your inner most secrets. Yet why is it that we don't believe them when they tell us that we aren't fat or ugly or stupid or anything else negative that we say about ourselves. At any given point within a conversation my own insecurities will surface, and being human I give voice to them. It usually goes along the lines of "I'm fat", "these jeans make my butt look big", "I didn't get that joke I must be stupid". It goes on and on and on, toxic thoughts spewing forth from my mouth. Yet no matter the friend, no matter the depth of the relationship they are there reassuring me that I am not fat, I do not have a big butt, I am not stupid. But because I have bought so far into the lie I can not hear the truth in their words, I can not apply the same unconditional trust I have in them in all other areas to this.

I think that my biggest hang up, or at least one of them is that I don't want to think well of myself out of the fear that I will be labeled vain, stuck up or conceited. It is hard for me to come to terms with the idea that it is okay to think well of myself. The biggest problem with this for me has been other girls. We all have encountered the type,the one who will do or say anything to bring someone else down. I know that they only do it to draw attention from their own insecurities, I understand the psychology behind the action, but I still buy into it, hear their words and allow them to affect me causing long term pain, suffering and low self-esteem. It's not easy to ignore someone saying that you are fat, or stupid, or like I was once told, you have a double chin. And when you do ignore them you are called vain or stuck up. But maybe, just maybe it is okay to be called vain and stuck up? Maybe just, maybe it's okay to ignore their words, ignore the venom. Maybe. I think that Jesus would still love me even if I did learn to love myself. After all God doesn't create garbage, He put so much thought and effort into creating each and everyone of us. Who am I to criticise the artistry of His hands?

There is only one being that I know of who would want me to discount the work of God's hands and to not see the beauty in it. Satan. Looking at it in writing seems so simple, all I need to do is call Satan a liar and the rest is cake, the lies disappear. Wrong. I am learning that in order to learn to love myself as I am I need to be constantly aware of the thoughts that are in my head. Satan is sneaky, therefore I need to be on guard.

This is my goal, my project as it were. Step one on the path of destroying the lies that Satan has weaved into my thoughts. From now on, every time I look in the mirror I am going to tell myself "I am beautiful". I am not going to allow the old thoughts of "this is as good as it gets", "what a train wreck" or "what a waste of make up" to enter into my mind any more. I know that it's not going to be easy, the last thing that Satan wants is for me to see myself as God sees me, and He is going to throw a lot at me to prevent this. Being aware of that I am hoping will give me an advantage. And if all else fails... pray.


1 Samuel 16:7
"But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."